Warning: Weirdness and personal details contained within. Mostly weirdness. You've been warned.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

It amused me

This is probably one of those stories that you had to have been there, but oh well. You're going to hear it anyways.

So my grandma called me up to ask if I'd drive her out to my uncle's place this weekend. Which is fine, except she told me I can drive her car. And being the nice little girl I am, I said okay.

Okay, I can tell you right now that this story is going to go on and on. Just warning you.

I hate driving my grandma's car. It's an automatic, which is against my religion, being the good little farm girl that I am. And grandma plays with the air conditioning, which drives me nuts. She turns it on as high as it will go, because she's too hot. Then she turns it off, because she's too cold. Then she turns it on high, because she's too hot. FIND A HAPPY MEDIUM WOMAN. And then leave it alone.

So after The Proclamation, where she told me when we'd be leaving, and that I could leave my car at her old people home in the visitor parking, I was trying to chat with her. This is difficult at the best of times, because hey, she lives in a home for the elderly and she doesn't have a whole lot of interests. Besides playing with a/c, that is. So we talked about the prospective meal on Sunday, and my mom's knee surgery, and then in the middle of the conversation, grandma said "well, I'll see you on Sunday." Click.

She's so subtle.


  • At 2:50 a.m., Anonymous The Poopsmith said…

    "good little farm girl"



  • At 10:11 a.m., Anonymous strongbad? was that me? I can't keep this crap straight said…

    Nay. It's not an oxymoron. You've just heard too many farmer's daughter jokes, and you're reaching.

    The bias against auto. transmission, however, is irrational. Higher resale value, less problems.

    Now isn't that better? You're both wrong!

  • At 1:07 p.m., Anonymous Kornheiser said…

    Ah you are mistaken as well sir!

    You can never hear too many farmer's daughter jokes.

    I win! And if you disagree with me again Statboy, you're fired.

  • At 1:32 p.m., Anonymous wilbon said…

    Is it right that we take over poor Amy's message board so that people of YOUR ILK can spew their garbage and ignore her posting?

    I say Amy IS a good little farm girl, unlike YOUR GIRL Belinda Stronach !!!

    Amy, I love the way you play the game, keep doing what you're doing, and don't listen to clowns like Tony.

  • At 2:00 p.m., Anonymous Kornheiser said…

    This coming from a guy wearing Capri pants!

    No Wilbon, the reality is, Amy doesn't want to be a good little farm girl! The proof is in the posts!
    ...She attacks her grandmother for playing with the a/c, which by the way, people like us have to do because we have "conditions" that you'll learn about later
    ...She makes apologies under desks, wants a lot of sausage and slurps on smutty romance novels just like you do on Ditka and the Cubs.

    Oh and by the way, Belinda is my girl. I'm waiting for her next commecial where she washes Mr. Martan's limo with a sponge. Or should I say she washes herself. I'd love to be that sponge.

    We have to take a break but when we come back we'll discuss whether Amy should keep her current job or go back to the Yankees, whether or not Lincoln is the real "Batman" and why Wilbon and I don't have any cookies.

    (do you think I could get grandma's phone number from Amy? she sounds pretty hot.)

  • At 2:01 p.m., Anonymous Wilbon said…

    (why so you can turn up the air conditioning for her?)

  • At 2:15 p.m., Anonymous wilbon said…

    And Amy never attacked her grandomther, she made a comment about the a/c, fool !!!

    Someone of your advanced years should know that what someone says on a computer and what they're like in real life are 2 different things.

    Don't start on my Cubbies, and don't be hating on Amy OR her Grandma. You're pathetic.

  • At 3:05 p.m., Anonymous Kornheiser said…

    She told her to, and I'm quoting here, to "FIND A HAPPY MEDIUM WOMAN. And then leave it alone."

    Who talks to their grandma this way?! Is she trying to get in the Ron Artest posse!

    I'm not hatin' Amy's grandma - she's my girl!
    And I'm going to take her to South Florida to be with our peeps and play with all the A/C we want! Then I'll drive her around town in my automatic Caddie, narrowly missing all the snot nosed little punks of your's and Amy's generation who try to get in our way!



  • At 5:17 p.m., Anonymous Statboy said…

    Not too much today, guys...Wilbon, Lincoln is definitely not Batman; and Tony Amy's grandmother is hot, because Amy won't let her play with the A/C.

    Belinda Stronach, of course, is Tony's girl because she was married to Norwegian Olympic hero Johann Olav Koss.

    And the reason you guys get no cookies? You're too sexy for oatmeal.

  • At 6:35 p.m., Anonymous Kornheiser said…

    It's the bald heads!

    Let's got to the big finish.

  • At 6:35 p.m., Anonymous Wilbon said…

    Let's do it...

  • At 6:37 p.m., Anonymous Kornheiser said…

    There's been talk that Amy is unhappy in her new job. Wilbon, do you see her heading back to Marketel?

  • At 8:14 a.m., Anonymous wilbon said…

    Don't be a dope, of course not! The only job she complained about more than this one was the one at Marketel! She may leave but it won't be to go back there.

    Ton, Gil's child is already putting CD's upside down and getting them dusty rather than taking 2 seconds to put them away in the case. How long before he buys Mike Oldfield CD's that take an hour to go nowhere?

  • At 10:02 a.m., Blogger Gilly said…

    How do you know that it takes an hour? ... I usually fall asleep within the first 20 min.

    Tip: Don't listen while driving home from Winnipeg at 3 in the morning. Oncoming Semi can cause possible injury.

  • At 10:03 a.m., Blogger Gilly said…

    .. and oh yeah .. they are probably looking for another tech again if you are wanting to come back amy.

  • At 11:31 a.m., Anonymous Kornheiser said…

    The way that kid gets out bed himself and entertains himself it won't be long until he takes the keys to the car and starts cruising for chicks with phone books.

    I give it under two weeks.

    In your backyard of Alberta, the goverment wants to get DNA samples from all the convicted Johns in the province to help solve a 20 year old murder case. Are you scared?

  • At 1:55 p.m., Anonymous Wilbon said…

    Let's see....it's 2005....and 20 years would make.........

    Nope, I'm in the clear!

    Okay, last one, Tony...Riders vs. Bombers to start the season...Who ya got?

  • At 2:10 p.m., Anonymous Kornheiser said…

    It's a good thing I can't watch this game because I don't have a dish!


    But I'll take the BOMBERS just because your going with your boys the SASKATCH-E-WAN ROUGHRIDERS!

  • At 2:37 p.m., Anonymous wilbon said…

    HA!! I knew it, you're just sucking up to your girl Troy Westwood! And you should know that I am a defender of the Commonwealth turf, not a member of the Rider nation, though I like the Shivers/Barrett regime and what they've done with the team.

    You'd know better if you actually WENT TO THE GAMES. I have seen the Bombers once already and they are terrible. Jim Daley is a good candidate to be the first coach fired this year, which is a shame because he was dealt a bad hand with this bunch of losers.

    We're bumped for golf for the rest of the week. We will re-air in Amy's dreams, then we'll be back on Monday. Same time then, you knuckleheads.

  • At 2:51 p.m., Anonymous Kornheiser (behind the sign) said…


  • At 10:30 p.m., Anonymous Jim thompson said…

    I have a theory about black quarterbacks, and will you two shut up already, you're both dumbasses!!

  • At 6:38 p.m., Blogger Amy said…

    My liking for standard transmission has nothing to do with resale, I just hate driving automatics. It's boring and un-challenging, and I fall asleep. Any moron can drive an automatic. And they generally do. Driving a standard gives me license to yell at idiots in other cars, because I'm superior.

  • At 8:25 a.m., Anonymous wilbon said…

    Hey Tony, I think we've found our statboy !!!

    Once he learns to speak only when spoken to, it'll be a perfect fit.

    Oh, and he'll have to change his attitude. Welcome the new statboy everybody; Scott (future Jim) Thompson !!


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