Warning: Weirdness and personal details contained within. Mostly weirdness. You've been warned.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

just some crazy old guy

I was about a block past work on my way home today, and there was some old guy laying beside the steps of the community centre near where I park. His eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly open, he looked about 75. So my colleague and I went back to ask the guy if he was okay. He just looked like he was sleeping, but with old people it's hard to tell. Plus he was twitching. He was fine, but it's kind of weird to see a well-dressed person napping on a narrow strip of grass in a bad area of downtown. I hope I turn out old and crazy.

Although it wasn't as bad as the half-naked kid wandering down the middle of the street that I saw last week in the same area. He must have been one, maybe a little older, wearing only a shirt. Wandering by himself in a fairly high-traffic area. His dad wandered out of the house after the kid had followed me back off the street and was hanging on the outside of his yard fence. The dad told the kid to get his pants on. You know, if I had a kid and he wandered into the path of multiple cars while mostly naked, I don't think I'd be worried about his state of undress too much. I'd be more worried about social services, or child rapists. Or aliens. But that's just me.

Monday, June 27, 2005

One more week

And boy will I be glad when it's over.

Speaking of which, I need a haircut.

"Are Lem and Archie drunk?" Hawes interrupted.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I guess I could finish it

My ride with Grandma. It was not as bad as I expected. She only turned the air conditioning off once. In the car on a 29 degree day. I think I died and fell over about 2 minutes later. She finally turned it back on after 5 more. But other than that she left it alone.

Maybe she reads my blog.

She wore nothing under it except stockings and a garter belt.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Hell freezes over

So. I'm going back to the previous job.

For those of you who have been putting things off until Hell froze, I apologize profusely.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Beginning the random sentence of the day

So I think I'll start adding in a random sentence from one of the garage sale books. Possibly not one per day, but just as often as I feel like it. The rule is that I open the book to a random spot and stick my finger on the page, so you get what you get. We'll see, this may be short-lived, especially since my luck will probably kick in and all the quotes will be mundane.

She couldn't do it, couldn't allow the warmth, the fever-warmth that was spreading through her like lava to go on.

Some things never change

So last week, Heather and I had no food in our fridge. I kept opening our fridge full of condiments and thinking, "There's nothing to eat." Our fridge was pretty bare. It was student-fridge-like, or perhaps even guy-fridge-like. Except with milk and cheese slices and eggs.

So then this week we went and spent the GP of a small African nation at the grocery store. And bought enough to feed said small African nation. After the genocide there'd even be enough left for us.

So all day I've been opening our fridge stuffed full of food and thinking, "There's nothing to eat."

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

It amused me

This is probably one of those stories that you had to have been there, but oh well. You're going to hear it anyways.

So my grandma called me up to ask if I'd drive her out to my uncle's place this weekend. Which is fine, except she told me I can drive her car. And being the nice little girl I am, I said okay.

Okay, I can tell you right now that this story is going to go on and on. Just warning you.

I hate driving my grandma's car. It's an automatic, which is against my religion, being the good little farm girl that I am. And grandma plays with the air conditioning, which drives me nuts. She turns it on as high as it will go, because she's too hot. Then she turns it off, because she's too cold. Then she turns it on high, because she's too hot. FIND A HAPPY MEDIUM WOMAN. And then leave it alone.

So after The Proclamation, where she told me when we'd be leaving, and that I could leave my car at her old people home in the visitor parking, I was trying to chat with her. This is difficult at the best of times, because hey, she lives in a home for the elderly and she doesn't have a whole lot of interests. Besides playing with a/c, that is. So we talked about the prospective meal on Sunday, and my mom's knee surgery, and then in the middle of the conversation, grandma said "well, I'll see you on Sunday." Click.

She's so subtle.

Well, maybe not quite enough

I mean, don't get me wrong, the job isn't difficult, and they pay me well to do monkey tasks. But if I wanted to be a monkey, you'd know about it. What with the picking and eating of lice, and the tree climbing. And the tail. If I was a monkey, I'd definitely take the tail option.

Um yeah, so anyways. They're actually looking to talk to the people I recommended for the job openings work. Finally. So boys, if you never heard back, you probably will now. Or sometime within the next month. I think. Yes, you too could have a well-paid monkey job with a window seat.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Enough already

I know I'm gearing up for a swift kick in the I told you so, but here we go:

I hate my new job. I want out.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

There's treasure everywhere

The cover description from one of the free 70's vintage romance novels I picked up at the garage sale (FREE!):
He was an animal: ruthless, virile, alive. She was all woman: sensuous, over-sexed, uninhibited. From the moment they met, she couldn't deny him anything!

I like how they highlight the important parts. Not quite as amusing as the title of another one I was looking at: The Rape of the Country.

I can't believe they were giving these away.

Update: Upon opening the book, the first words are "SHE WAS RIPE AND READY!" This can only get better.

Who's the sucker now?

My little brother had picked up tickets for Avril Lavigne in the hopes of making some money off them. He's done this kind of thing before and hasn't made any money yet, since he ends up selling them at cost to friends. Since he's looking to get rid of them, I figured I'd take one off his hands. Angry girl rock is always amusing. Especially 16-year old angry girl rock. Yes little girl, I'm sure you know enough about life to be writing and singing about it. Oh the angst! The suffering! The exquisite love! Uh huh.

A very amusing sequel to this? My parents might take the other ones he's got. This isn't really my parents' genre. They're more into oldies/country/folk stuff. So that's an added bonus of going, if they do decide to go. I'm cool, rocking with my parents.

Uh huh. Sure little girl.

Friday, June 10, 2005

I'll be laughing for a while

Flight of the Conchords
Go listen to Humans are Dead. Or all of it. I'm going to.

(via Defective Yeti)

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Aaaaand I'm done

So, my exam is over. And I'm glad it's done. So let us never speak of it again. Unless I didn't pass, in which case I will be screaming and doing a fiery-rain-of-death dance.

I stopped by the garage sale that Gilly put his stuff at. And bought stuff. I think I would make really good trailer trash, seeing as how I have the philosophy that cheap and used and still working is better than new and costing a million shekels. And also because I have a habit of going out in the balcony in my housecoat and yelling down to my roommate as she's about to get in her car. Classy.

The best part about the garage sale was the look of glee on Harley's face as he dug his hands into the flower pots on the deck and sprayed dirt all over. And then rubbed his hands in his hair.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Okay already, I'll write something

Even if it's just to say that I'm sort of glad I'm at my new job instead of my old one. I hear it's pretty aggravating. You poor guys, I feel for you. *cough*andI'mgladI'mnotthere*cough* Excuse me, something was caught in my throat. Not that the new place is riveting, but they keep me busy. The bastards. How am I supposed to keep tabs on the comment wars that way?

So I have my voice exam tomorrow. Not looking forward to it, except in a it'll-be-done sort of way. And hey, it'll be done! After that I have my stupid class from last semester to finish up. I'll be even more glad when that's done. NEVER AGAIN. I'm all done learnding now, thanks. Happy in my ignorance, that's me.

Then I can go back to being bored all summer. I need to find something to do around here for fun. Any suggestions?

Thursday, June 02, 2005

$20000 down the drain

Yeah, you know that engineering degree I have? It still took me 8 minutes to put my kinder surprise together - using the instructions.


There's nothing better than hearing the phrase "for producing high quality milk" on TV. Too bad we only get peasant vision, or that could have turned into something more interesting. Unfortunately the next phrase that I heard was "you can see the umbilical cord hanging out the back of the cow". I guess that's more interesting, if you're into animals...

It wasn't my fault, I swear

So Heather (my unfortunate roommate) went to tighten the shower tap a couple nights ago - she's got a bit of a fixation on stopping the dripping - and it just kept turning. So we called the landlord to come see it. Second time since we moved in here that we've had to get them to fix stuff, and I have to say they're pretty good about it. Especially considering how stupidly dumb I sounded when I called them. But it was on purpose, not just my natural tendencies. Really.

I love taking advantage of being a chick, it's so nice to be able to play dumb. Guys don't really have that option. I don't know too many who can bat their eyelashes and wave their chests around to get what they want. But to the ones who can... stop that, you're stealing our cheap way of pulling off all kinds of crap.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

For posterity

I've worn my new cream-coloured dress pants for an entire day and I haven't spilled anything stainable on them.